Exercise 2 - Thin Fantasy
Thursday, March 30, 2006 at 04:56PM * This is part two of the above exercise and designed to help you understand how you use your body to express your different emotional states. Since these meanings vary and different moods can illuminate different meanings, the more often you do the exercise, the more you will get out of it.
Close your eyes, breathe deeply and relax…continuing from the previous visualization imagine yourself at the same party. . . but now the fat has melted off you; you are now your ideal size . . . Can you see yourself? . . . Can you feel yourself at your ideal size? . . . Notice what you are wearing …What do these clothes say about you? . . . What do you see from the perspective of being your ideal size? .. . Do you view the party with different eyes? . . . What or who do the people at the party see when they look at you? . . . How do you feel? . . . Are you sure of yourself or do you feel vulnerable? . . . How are you getting on with the others at the party? . . . Are there differences between how you interacted with people when you were fat and how you are getting on now? . . . Focus on the positive feelings coming up in you about your being your ideal size .. . Are you being seen as you? . . . Are you being admired for your body? Now see if you notice any disconcerting feelings about being your ideal size at this party? . . . Is there anything scary unpleasant about being this size? . . . Now I’d like you imagine that you are fat once again, still at this same party … Does the atmosphere change? . . . How? How do you feel within yourself? . . . Can you contact any feelings of relief about being larger again? . . . See what messages this fat you is sending out .. . Is there any way in which it helps you to be fat at the party? . . . Are there any conflicts you seem able to avoid? Are there some very private feelings concealed in the fat? .. . When you are ready, I’d like you to imagine that once again, at this party; you are your ideal size . . . How do you feel? . . . Allow yourself to experience the many complicated feelings you may have . . . Notice how you are in your ‘slim’ clothes and how you feel in your body . . . Do you feel you? . . . Particularly note any difficult feelings that come up for you in being your ideal size . . . See if you can pinpoint any feelings that might have made it hard for you to stay at this size in the past . . . When you are ready, turn to the questions below.
1. What emerged about you at your imagined ‘ideal’ size?
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Reader Comments (11)
There were plenty of 'negative'' feelings. I was super mistrustful. Kind of arrogant...thinking about how stupid I think most people are (KIND of arrogant??? hoo boy!!). Hating being considered a part of the 'group' that would be playing the games I'm watching. So full of disdain. Hating being viewed as an image not a person.
2) The fears I had were that I didn't feel safe. I felt like I couldn't control who was coming into my space. I was experiencing panic. I was doing whatever I could to avoid contact.
3) What aspects of my personalitly am I currently suppressing that I think go with slimness?
That I'm a bitch maybe?
4) How might I express these aspects now?
By being honest when I don't want contact. By practising saying 'NO' when I need to. By speaking my mind. It's just all about boundaries for me for sure. Clearly boundaries do NOT equal bitch.
I felt physically comfortable in my clothes. I felt that i didn't have to push myself to be the life of the party. Felt like I could just relax a bit more. But at the same time felt almost shy and less able to approach people. Felt it was more risky than when im fat.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
Will i lose my bubbly personality. i have lost weight before and felt like i lost part of my personality. i felt far more emotional and strangly less confident about who i am as a person.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
Feeling comfortable to be myself and not forcing myself "out there" to be over the top bubbly and funny. I think i suppress my emotional side more when i am overweight. i soldier on a bit more.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Just let myself feel the emotions that i have. Not force myself to put on a bright face when i'm not feeling bright.
At my ideal size I imagine myself suddenly beautiful as well, not only do I loose the weight, but I become supermodel beautiful. I loose evey inhibition, become eloquent, I am not afraid to dance as there is nothing to wobble, I feel freer to express myself through my clothes and wear the types of clothes I shy away from when I am pudgier. I am also allowed to eat party food in front of people without feeling piggish.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
I feel more vulnerable and exposed, and am afraid of being approached by men and having to say no, which is less from a sense of worth-less-ness than from my hate of rejecting anybody (because I hate being rejected). Being slim helps me get along better with males, but hinders new female relationships. I do not fear being slim, but I know that upon becoming slim prettiness, eloquence and the rest of do not improve, and then I break down because I had previously blamed that on my fat. Turns out my fat had nothing to do with it. Serious issues to do with slimness also arise from my teenage anorexia, where upon becoming riduculously underweight I lost all of my friends, became withdrawn and forgot how to laugh. I am scared of losing weight and dieting because of this memory.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
My want to wear whatever I want, my want to dance and go crazy without being self conscious. When I am slim I imagine I can apply for jobs I want, approach men I like, nothing will inhibit me, I will be confident and successful. If I was slimmer I would go to the exercise classes I want to without being embarrassed.
4) How might I express these aspects now?
Well I should do all of the things I think I would do when slim at the size I am now...and I know that, but knowing and doing are still very different. I should stop imagining what other people are thinking and realise the predjudices I think they have against me are actually my own predjudices.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
Now I get to show off that wonderful warm caring personality that has been starved to death by years of not being cared for. Skinny or fat, I figure charcter and personality really take a beating when someone hasn't been loved in return for decades.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness? Not having to try so hard to be noticed. To be quiet and thoughtful and just have a woman be naturally interested in me because of what she found out about me AFTER she did her little mind equation about whether I was attractive enough.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Only try to talk to women who are as overweight as I am, so they can't judge me. But really have you ever heard of a woman that doesn't judge a man, or vice versa? Truly, those of us that have love for our selves and some left over to give to someone else who is special. The odds are against it.
Well naturally I overexaggerate about what I'd look like at my "ideal" size. All of the sudden my hair is thick and lustrous and will hold a curl instead of being thin, sparse, and mousy! LOL
I feel like I'd be more popular and desirable. I could actually wear a lovely latex dress or corset and feel comfortable...of course, affording such things would still be out of my reach. And yet, there is the feeling of suspicion and knowing full well that the people who find me desirable didn't find me desirable at a different weight.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
No fears. Just the knowledge that I can't believe anything the people say to me...knowing that any one of them would backstab me if something changed or for no reason at all.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
Flexibility, energetic, being sexy, charming... but then again...even when I was thin I couldn't figure out how to be sexy or charming!
4. How might you express those aspects now?
I'm not sure. You can't express what you've never had. Kind of like having great hair...you either have it or you don't. You can only get great hair from a wig.
1. What emerged about you at your imagined ‘ideal’ size?
I was much quieter. I didn't feel as happy as before, but I felt much more sexual. I felt like I had to be more private with my emotions in order to feel "safe."
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
I felt like if I danced a lot or "let loose" that other girls would think I was showing off or begging for attention.
I felt a lot of guys' eyes on me and it made me uncomfortable to know that they were viewing me sexually when I wasn't feeling the same way.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
I suppose sexuality.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Hm...I can think of some ways.
2.Fears, that men might find me desirable again.
3. That God gave me a very beautful body. If I lost wieght I might be more attractive in general.
4. I would take my walks during the day instead of in the dark... with a black tank top.
I felt more free. I felt like it was easier to talk to people, and the knowledge that they would respond to me in a more positive way made me very happy. I liked the fact that I could wear all the things that I wanted, and I enjoyed the fact that everyone was staring at me. I even got more validation from the men in the room, and I liked it.
I felt more worthy of the attention that I received, and I felt more loved and validated as a human being.
I even had more friends.
I could be a total bitch, and no one would bat an eye.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
Unwanted advances from various men, and the outright viciousness from the other women at the party, the word "bimbo" being thrown around at the party. I feel shaky though, and very very cold. I can't keep in heat, so I feel chilly.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
Being myself, and being afraid to express my thoughts because I think with being fat, people think that your feelings and thoughts don't matter. Being able to wear what I want, and talk to who I want and having tons of friends to talk to without having to worry about being so lonely all the time. The want and desire for people to respond to me in a positive way, instead of in a negative manner. Being validated and loved as a person.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
I really don't know how at the moment. Being where I am now, I really don't think I can which makes me feel false. When I think about it, I should speak up a little bit more and not worry so much about what people think.
Maybe I should try and remember that I'm a person too, and worthy of love as well as having a voice of my own.
I would be confident. Happy. Sexy. I could wear whatever I wanted and feel completely comfortable in it, not worrying about bumps and lumps.
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
Well I don't have any fears about being slim. I think that's how I will be happy.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
More confidence. Sexuality. Assertiveness.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Well I guess I could accept myself for being imperfect and learn to view myself as beautiful. I think that once I love myself I will be able to express those things. But I also think that being slim makes me less imperfect and, in effect, easier to love...but I have a messed up way of thinking I guess.
I went from being fun and using humor to being outright flirty and acting ind of like a stupid drunk girl, probably because in my experience, at a lower weight my alcohol tolerance is much lower, so I can no longer drink with the guys and retain any form of intelligence. I was also more confident, and felt like hot shit, and aware of all eyes being on me (even if they weren't).
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
People's intentions changed. Suddenly the sketchy, leery guys are taking notice of me, hitting on me in way that make me uncomfortable and preventing me from enjoying myself in the more laid back way I'd prefer. My friends making rude comments, calling me "sloppy". The more nervous and uncomfortable I get, the more sloppy I act. I'll probably give in to one of these men to get them to stop, or force a female friend to come to bed with me because I don't trust myself to be left in a bed alone.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
Promiscuity. Acting like "one of the guys" only gets you so far. It's alright to flirt, and I know that even at a larger size, I am definitely attractive to some men. More confidence in myself, more bold.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
Get out of my shell. Stop using my weight as an excuse to not go for things. I have larger friends who get crazy male attention, I can too.
I daydream about things and in these daydreams I see myself as my ideal size. I am detached from everyone, I am not super close to anyone, my friends, my boyfriend or anyone else. But lots of exes appear, and in my daydream they all love me but I won't give myself to them. I am also a completely different person, doing a job I fantasize about as well as being a professional dancer (I am not even an amateur dancer!). At a party, I imagine I would be the same, distant, somehow pretty melancholic as well. I am getting married in July, but when I fantasize about my wedding I don't think about being my ideal size. I don't even particularly fantasize about my ideal dress, because I don't know what I want to wear. When I fantasize about my wedding, and being happy on the day, I imagine it being well organised!! And my friends and family being there and being happy. And that makes me happy. Hmmm where is the thin me I am OBSESSED with?!
2. What fears came up for you about being slim?
That I will never stay that way. I feel like I can't actually move because I am thin. I feel constricted in my clothes. Also, in all my superiority I can't possibly let go and be myself, because that wouldn't be the uber cool person I aspire to be somehow (wow, I don't think I like this person). When I'm thin, I become cold and detached, mean even. Fear isn't necessarily how I feel because I feel so hardened that I don't think I need to be afraid.
3. What aspects of your personality are you currently suppressing that you imagine go with slimness?
Being thin represents my fears of letting go and letting people in and being vulnerable. In my slim fantasy, I am strong and cold and detached. I am also scared I can't stay that way: thin / detached.
4. How might you express those aspects now?
I don't think I should!